2 months since my last entry... i'm less miserable.. (at least i am today)

I'm at work and on break (yet again)...its getting a bit better, we're running at full tilt, all 24 beds are open, and the unit is crazy busy.... but good crazy cause that's what we're here for...and that's how i'm going to learn... when i stop to think about what it is that i do, and see at work, i marvel at how many machines and drugs we have to save lives.... Docs and nurses and respiratory therapists (RTs) spewing numbers at each other, explaining them to patient families, calculating figures to optimize care... most of the time we're filtering incessant noise from monitors and ventilators to concentrate on the task at hand..discerning when its a false alarm, and when to be truly concerned... trying to figure out what to anticipate if, God forbid, the worse should happen.... understanding drugs... when to use what, how to mix it, and if it runs as mcg/kg/min... or mcg/min... or mg/hr...  troubleshooting IV lines....attempting to start IVs.. this job takes multitasking to the next level...I never thought I'd be an ICU nurse...i've had my moments when i've wanted to quit.. and moments when the adrenaline rush takes over and all i can think about is how we're best going to try and save the life of a person at the brink of death... its at once fascinating, fearsome and fulfilling... sometimes, because of everything that happens in a day, i find that i forget about the fulfilling part...especially in the ICU where we're busy treating numbers and not always the patient, as we rarely have patients who can talk back to us given the tube we have down their throats to help them breathe...but all that aside, I can say that I've really learned the value of life and death... and believe it or not, sometimes death is more comforting than life itself... I say that as someone who has now seen undue suffering of patients who would benefit more from palliative care rather than intensive care... but thats another story for another day... being at work on a good day makes me want to talk about it... but when i'm not at work...  i can't always bring myself to tell people what its like...besides, these days there are enough tv shows out there to tell it for me... :) i like gray's anatomy... at least i do for now...and i've come to have much respect for residents...(just not the cocky bastards...and i hate to say it, but i've encountered a good number of those...) i'm by no means an expert in healthcare...i don't think i ever will be...but since i've graduated from nursing school, i feel like i've learned a hellava lot more than i ever did in school....but that's not a surprise...afterall, nothing can really trump life experiences... okay, this has gotten long.. and i feel like doogie howser at the end of every episode... so i'll stop... i hope everyone survived exams (if you've got them)..the summer will be upon us soon which means its almost time to break out the flipflops and scandalous tops...if you haven't already  ..